Meenal's This I Believe Essay - The Plight of the Peaceful Warrior
I believe that world peace begins with me ... it begins with the choices that every individual makes in their daily lives. Contrary to popular belief, choosing peace is anything but peaceful and it definitely is not the easy way out. First, it requires me to step up and do things that I never believed possible, and that requires courage. I never thought I could stand up for myself, but the choice to stew in silence, or proceed with a misunderstanding, or in the absence of clearly communicated ground-rules implies that my perspective is not worthy of being voiced. Keeping silent is a choice; it is implied consent that the situation is fine "as is". Speaking up is a choice too; it doesn't imply that I will get my way, but it is the starting point for a dialogue. And dialogue is an integral element for peace.
Choosing peace means that I take responsibility for my emotions and behavior, each time I am nasty or inconsiderate or spew all over the place. Rather than brushing it off or trying to assign blame for my reaction to someone else, peace requires that I step back and ask myself the question, "what was that really about?" -- not with that harsh, judgmental voice reserved exclusively for myself, but in the caring, compassionate voice I use with others. Just the process of asking myself that question creates awareness, which in turn creates space for a different reaction next time around.
Choosing peace means living with acceptance and grace. Acceptance does not mean passive resignation. Acceptance means being real about what is within my control and what isn't. By accepting that I only have control over how I show up in a situation, the drama that accompanies denial, struggle, the "but, it's not fair!" voice melts away. By accepting that I cannot always have things my way, I practice being open to options, encouraging honest expression of perspectives, and sharing the priceless gift of listening. By accepting that life is rarely predictable, I am able to focus on investing my best effort to the task at hand, rather than expending energy on those consuming and unfruitful "what if" worries.
Choosing peace has transformed my life ... in unimaginable, inconceivably glorious and mysterious ways. My entire being is centered and aligned, rather than off-balance and strained. My work has become my joy and service. Choosing peace has allowed me to be present to the bounty that exists for me -- for each one of us -- in every moment.
We each affect others in unknown ways: through our words, silence, actions, inaction and presence. Knowing that, it seems only practical to choose peace. I know that my choice has resulted in invisible ripples that affect an ever-widening circle of people around me -- offering hope, possibilities, and breathing space. My microcosm, but my world nonetheless. This is why peace is my practice, my service ... my meditation.
Personal note:
Writing this essay surprised me. It came at a time when I had just completed my taxes and was torn between the reality of operating my business at a loss (my MBA side can't fathom that) and the conviction that what I do isn't motivated by money (my new intuitive voice clamoring to be heard). So if not money, then what is my motivation and how do I redefine "success" to downplay the traditional numbers game? I had just completed a lengthy process of introspection and external verification to ensure that my message and what other's receive from my efforts were in line. I am glad to say that they were!
Having the opportunity to connect with my inspiration allowed the essay to flow, which I didn't quite expect simply because of the amount of writing I had done recently. What surprised me the most was the realization that while I was comfortable sharing my essay with each individual who had joined my This I Believe evenings, and was completely comfortable leading 30+ people in a conversation about their personal beliefs, the thought of reading my personal essay out loud to the entire group brought up a lot of emotion in me. Not fear, not anxiety ... rather something very old, no longer needed, that I was ready to release.
So at the last minute, we changed the program for the evening to include some time for people to share their essays to the entire group. It was scary ... I was shaking ... I couldn't look at anyone until I was done ... and it was amazing. At least 6 other people chose to share after me - I hope my actions gave them the courage to do so. My last step was to submit this essay to the This I Believe website, where it will be viewed by a much larger audience. I'll share the link with you if it is accepted.