Olympia Dukakis

Olympia Dukakis is an Academy Award winning screen and stage actress known for her portrayals of the "grand transformations and subtle accommodations that are the bread and butter of women's lives." She is the daughter of Greek immigrants and grew up in a suburb of Boston, in a neighborhood where ethnic discrimination was routine. She made her acting debut at the age of 13, and in a time and age when adopting a stage name was common practice, she refused to change her name to something less ethnic, contrary to advice that it would help her career. She is a popular speaker for women's groups due to her strong stand for the health and safety of women and children, for the environment and for equal rights among all people. She co-founded "Voice of Earth", a nonprofit theater company designed to help women explore their spiritual heritage and birth their own spiritual transformation.

This evening's attendees were equally split amongst two generations: those in their late 60's-70's and those in their mid-40s-early 50's. The evening proceeded as it usually does with our introductions, then conversations in small groups and then final sharing in the large group. We ended the evening with a wonderful exchange on how women's roles have changed during our respective life-times. Most importantly, we ended with an affirmation of how those who have come before us paved the trail for those who follow, and an awareness that change doesn't necessarily equate to progress. We effectively accomplished a small part of what Olympia Dukakis talks about in the passage noted below from pages 96-97: "We've got to recognize and acknowledge the bravery it's taken to live the lives we've lived, to get up every day and take care of our children and our homes..." What an incredibly powerful evening it was! - Meenal

The passages and questions below are offered as a starting point for discussion, and are simply listed in sequential order as they appear in the book.

page 95 [Wolff] How would you define spirituality? "Well, there's something open about it. I really understood how important this was when my mother was dying from Alzheimer's. Her defenses went away and she was no longer suspicious or critical. Her heart opened. So why does this seem part and parcel of spirituality? I guess because in order to be open-hearted, you have to trust, or be willing to trust - but trust with open eyes. You have to look at the reality of things. Sometimes there's darkness and pain. That's part of life, too." [Wolff] Being open-hearted in the face of contradictions? "Being open-hearted when the world pretty much looks like a place you heart should be defended and protected against."

• Throughout this interview, Olympia Dukakis talks a lot about her personal experience with the fear of letting go. And yet, her definition of spirituality is based on letting go of the defenses that we all build around our hearts – possibility the biggest risk of all. How does the fear of letting go show up in your own life? How could your life be different if you were to let go of just one aspect of that fear?
• How does Olympia Dukakis' definition of spirituality compare with your personal perspective on spirituality?

page 96-97 "I talk to women's groups all over the country and see women struggling with this. The fear of not being accepted, of being different, of not having a man, all make it hard for a woman to do what she believes is right for her. And, if we want to change things for women, we can't tear away at the fabric of each other's lives like some feminists do. Women have to work together. We've got to recognize and acknowledge the bravery it's taken to live the lives we've lived, to get up every day and take care of our children and our homes, to keep our churches and schools going, to plant trees in our parks - all these things. It makes me want to cry when I think about what women do! And we get buhpkis for it. We aren't even recognized by ourselves for what we do!"

• Quite a few of the interviews that we have read thus far challenge women to change how we view ourselves – because we don't properly value all that we each do for the world. In particular, Miriam Polster talked about redefining our notion of heroes. Alma Flor Ada talked about realizing that her spiritual values are demonstrated through her everyday acts of listening and other forms of giving to others. Do you agree that women's' views of themselves need to evolve? In what way do these views need to change?
• If you agree with this perspective, is there something that you could do for yourself that would bring a small aspect of this change in your life? Please share just one thing.
  

page 100 [Wolff] Have you ever had a 'dark night of the soul'? "Yes, I've had a number of these experiences. I dealt with them by instructing myself - by willing myself - to go forward into the darkness, by facing whatever I thought would be the worst part of the darkness." [Wolff] Later it occurs to me that this warrior spirit of hers is also the seat of her vulnerability. It takes courage to be vulnerable, to look fear in the face, to sit with the unknown, because you never know where you will end up. But doing this has its rewards: gradually, the fear diffuses, it loses its power. In some seemingly miraculous way, this letting go bestows access to an inner font that allows you to live with greater meaning.

• Throughout this interview, Olympia Dukakis talks a lot about coming to terms with the contradictions within herself. Here is a seeming contradiction that Margaret Wolff observes – that it takes a warrior's spirit to be vulnerable. What are the sources of contradictions in your own life? Please share an instance where the warrior within you stood her ground.
• I also love Wolff's recognition that "it takes courage to sit with the unknown, because you never know where you will end up." In my own life, I have struggled with my own perception that choosing to leave a clearly defined path -- a career-oriented one that is most valued by the external world – means that I have to defend my choice, otherwise be viewed as 'flaky'. Based on my personal history, I read this passage and see an affirmation for my choice. Based on your own history, how do you receive this same passage?
  

Was there a particular passage that made you stop and either consider or appreciate?